Mistargetted Marketing

**EDIT**

You know the first time one of your friends shows you something online and you think to yourself: "well, now I know about it, but I can't ever see myself using one?"  Like a she-male, a sybian, a pumpkin gun, or deodorant?

I saw an advertisement, recently, where I got that feeling.  Let me tell you about Colgate Wisp.

Colgate Wisp is a little mini toothbrush that you can take with you, on the go, to freshen up your breath.  The ad goes like this: two really attractive people are playing volleyball on the beach, and the guy thinks "aha, I need to go freshen up," so he takes a step aside and uses his Colgate Wisp in the middle of the game.

If only that guy were aware of breathe mints!

Then, afterward, he finds himself in a situation where he has to flirt, face to face, through the net with the hot girl on the other team.  I can't tell you the number of times I've been in this situation.

I'd think to myself: "man, again?  This always happens to me after I eat crabs and cornbread for breakfast!  I wish I had something I could use on the go so I could plow this bitch after the game!  Who hasn't been there?"

Listen: the guy who used that Colgate Wisp could have had breath that smelled like a cat's lemony asshole and probably still gotten laid.  Attractive, successful people do not need the services that Colgate Wisp has to offer.

I propose a different sort of commercial, where they market it to someone who desperately needs some Colgate Wisp.  Picture this: 

There is a fat, sweaty, unwashed nerd eating pizza rolls in his mom's basement while he plays Super Nintendo emulators, posts on World of Warcraft forums, and jerks off to cartoon porn in between applying to jobs at local Gamestops.

Have a commercial where he has to swing by Taco Bell at 1am, and the girl behind the counter is pretty...with the exception of the huge mole on her lip, lopsided chin, and hook hand on her left arm. 

He looks at her and nods like a playa, but then breathes on his hand to sample his breath.  His head recoils, offended, as if someone hit him in the face with a phone book.  The hair on his arms begins falling off, his skin changes to a yellow color as if he had jaundis, his eyes involuntarily tear up, and his nose starts to bleed.

He is understandably distressed!

He steps off to the side and opens his backpack.  He gingerly reaches for his rape-hammer, but it's gone.  In its place is a Colgate Wisp, with a small note attached: "Love Mom."