I plan to market this vid as pornography to girls with hilarious fetishes

This is my first stand-up performance in a comedy club.  I'd welcome any criticisms that you all have on timing, wording, pacing, voice, etc.  The voice I used, I planned.  It was a shaky version of my normal voice in order to endear myself to the audience.  I really wanted my act to come across as a conversation not just me standing onstage ranting.

Anyway!