There is a stigma I always had with using and reusing jokes in conversation: friends have heard them, and I feel less and less clever every time I would tell the same story or use the same joke with my friends. As a result, I could not deliver the same punchline with as much excitement and emotion as I did the first time, because while I know that it is a good joke, I've already heard it. It's like I'm selling myself short when I do that.
Something reassuring to me when I was thinking about entering stand-up was that I could come up with a solid set and just use and reuse it until I could interject more stuff. This reassurance is actually becoming something of a hindrance. Because while I realize I need to stick with what works, I also want to constantly be mixing it up. I write a new joke more or less every day, or at least generate the concept for a new joke, and I'm concerned that I won't be able to keep living up to previous sets.
The solution to this problem is of course to just do open mics and risk failure every now and then, but at the same time be allowed to try new material where, ultimately, there is no real consequence. The quagmire, here, is that I've already managed some measure of success. I'm in touch with a promotor, and he already has me on his "list" so to speak, for comics that he would allow to participate at his shows. This is huge for me, having only done one open mic.
What this has created isn't a situation where I want to drift off the small victory I've had, but rather a personal pressure on myself to do even better than before. Before I had validation that my bit worked, I already was very rough on myself in regard to what I considered good material. And something that makes things more difficult is that I know that people will like the material I already have, but I'm already very familiar with it, and it is the only measuring stick that I have with which to gauge my new jokes.
See what my problem is? To me, a fresh joke is more appealing than an old one even if it's not quite as clever. I want to just completely re-do my routine for open mics, but since I have something that works, I'm a bit worried about failure. It's not something insurmountable; I will fail if I have to--I was prepared to fail at the get-go, and it is not something that I have ruled out of future performances. There are different crowds in different places, and some of them may downright loathe what I have to bring. This is something that will always hang over me.
I don't want to fail, though. In baseball when I was a kid, I hated striking out after I'd hit a homerun. In swimming, I hated losing to someone that I had previous out-raced, or, conversely, getting a slower time than I had in the past. I would insist on mentioning how good I was at a video game if my best friend would comment on how good someone else was at it without recognizing how good I was. For christs-sake, sex is a competition to me.
I'm competitive to a fault, even with myself. I'm competitive even when I don't care about the competition. I can force myself to stop being competitive at times, but at the end of the day, I'll wonder if I "won" at whatever I was doing.
This, I think, is going to make me a much better comedian. I will always want to be funnier than the others, and I will always want to outdo myself. I won't be able to "Ron White"-it, and just use the same routine over and over and over until I die, alone, of cirrhosis. No offense to Ron White; he is the only one of the Blue Collar comedy tour whose bit I actually like.
I'm digressing. Key points:
-I don't want to fall into a repetitive routine.
-I want to constantly explore my options.
-I am unnaturally competitive and this could be a help or hindrance.
-I like freshness, but I'm afraid of it.
-I really, really, really want to succeed.
The bottom point will likely override any other. I'll do what I have to in order to make my routine amazing. I'll fail over and over again as long as I ultimately succeed.
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