-End of Holidays/Christmas Time
*MAYBE do the cold-out-here bit, but limit it to a quick one-liner: "That's a pretty lazy way to have a conversation, and it would be great if it worked for stuff that wasn't the weather. Say you're on a date to a movie theater, and a daycare for the mentally handicapped has gone on a field trip there, and they sit right next to you. You're blanking on what to say to your girl, so you say: 'man, it sure is retarded in here!'"*
-"Speaking of retards: I was reading about Justin Bieber, recently..."
-"I've often fallen into the 'friend zone' and had to listen to my female friends talk about how frustrated they are with whatever guy they are after at any given time. Because I love dealing with drama without any of that troublesome sex getting in the way. Much like how I love vomiting when I'm sober.
They meet some guy in the gym, or at a bar, and I always hear the same thing: 'why are men so difficult to understand?!' Like we are masterminds that speak in riddles. They build these guys up like they're so terrifically complicated. I'd like to take this opportunity to dispel this rumor that men are intricate like grand pianos.
We are not like grand pianos; exquisite, refined, and difficult to learn. Ladies: men are like harmonicas; simple, cheap, and if you blow in one end, sound comes out the other."
-"I shouldn't be too critical, since I'm not very good with women, myself..." *Do the "didn't kiss a girl" bit and the "baseball bat" bit.*
If I have any more time after that, I can dip into older stuff. Facebook is always a good go-to.
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